dhae_knight_1: Hotch calls bullshit (Bullshit)
Oh, that'll end well, I'm sure.

I have my second-to-last exam tomorrow, and I expected to do some preparations this afternoon and evening. In stead, I had a car that wouldn't start, and honked, without reprieve, for 20 minutes until the battery finally drained totally. So I spent 25 minutes waiting for the equivalent of AAA, then 15 minutes while the guy tried to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it so I could actually start and drive again. And since it's right around freezing, here, and there was a pretty strong wind blowing... well. I can guess why I have a fever, now.

Well. As long as I can wake up tomorrow and not feel too miserable, I'll call that a win. Oh, and my car will start. Oh, and I actually pass this exam.

... jeez. I don't ask for much, do I? ;-)

dhae_knight_1: facepalm (facepalm)
Yeah. This is what happens when my negative thoughts get fed. I end up feeling like a total failure even though I missed one damn reminder and, subsequently, the class-meeting concerning our thesis(es?).

Then, all of a sudden, I can think of absolutely nothing positive about myself. I feel fat and useless and, yes, like a complete failure in every aspect of life. And then. Then the thoughts about how I'm never going to get a job or a boyfriend or friends start up, and that's when I'm about to pack it in.

Jeez. Sometimes I wish those thought-patterns weren't quite so deeply grooved.

BRB - siccing a pride of lions on those pesky rottweilers of negativity.


Jun. 8th, 2009 10:54 am
dhae_knight_1: My kitten Zasha (:/)
My back's been hurting  like a son-of-a-bitch since I woke up Friday. Saturday (after some TLC with a good friend) it went better. Yesterday, I actually hardly felt a twinge.

Today I had to go home after two hours of work. Then again, those were two hours of standing, walking, twisting my head to the side and generally doing 15 different things I know is bad for my back when it's like this. It got to that point I hate with a passion. When it hurts so bad my brain stops interpreting it as pain and starts interpreting it as nausea and feverishness.

So now I'm lying in my bed, propped up on pillows, with a heating pad behind my back to try to make the muscle relax - just a little - and I've got water, an apple and pills within easy reach. Now I just need the NCIS I've got on a hard-drive to make life bearable until it's time to go see the physical therapist...

dhae_knight_1: My kitten Zasha (Default)
Lengthy update beneath a cut... )
dhae_knight_1: My kitten Zasha (Default)
Have been in Fjord&Bælt today. Wonderful place. I love watching the Harbor Porpoise perform (to my very best knowledge, this is the only place in the world where they're thriving in captivity?), and watching a 96 kilo Harbor Seal jump five feet in the air is pretty impressive, too. Even though he was too lazy to do full turns when the trainer wanted him to.

Most impressive sight of the day? Was totally watching one of the Harbor Porpoises swimming, belly up, slowly past the entire row of spectators so we could really see how they look.

Animal trainers impress me muchly.

dhae_knight_1: My kitten Zasha (Default)
Okay, this isn't really going to be religion-friendly, so... Cut for sensibilities )
Nothing in life's free, and I like to chose what I buy carefully.

dhae_knight_1: My kitten Zasha (Default)
Sleep paralysis is terrifying. Absolutely, totally terrifying. It feels like your body's gone to sleep and you can't move, can't breathe right... but your mind's wide awake, gibbering in terror.

Great. Just what I needed. Ya know what, body o'mine? I get it, okay? You're getting a break, now. As in, right now. Just... give me a break, would ya?

dhae_knight_1: My kitten Zasha (Default)
Yay! After almost a week of on-and-off work, I've finally found a way to connect my laptop to my TV (now, also with consistent, clear colors). And today? I figured out how to put subtitles on my files, so now I can fully enjoy those seaons the Americans didn't want to subtitle on the DVD's (stupid americans!). And I get to watch my DVD's without having to worry about my now-it-works/now-it-doesn't DVD-players (yes, plural! Doesn't improve matters).

I see a TV-show marathon in my future... ;-)

dhae_knight_1: My kitten Zasha (Default)
Yes, yes, I'm a fan of B5-spinoff Crusade. And of Galen, the technomage with the lovely accent. That aside...

Who are you?
I'm someone who find it difficult to let people in. I'm a woman who never got socialized as a girl, and so spent my entire childhood wanting to play with the boys, because their games were so much more fun, and they got so many more freedoms than the girls. I'm someone who needs a lot of time to myself. I'm someone who builds worlds as a matter of course. I'm someone who likes to create.

What do you want?
I want a change of scenery. I want to stop going in the straight line I've followed all my life. I want to make a leap of faith. I want to go back to trusting my own ability to adapt as the need arises.

Who do you serve?
I serve my own faith, that people are essentially good. That people never get too old to learn. That we can all become better human beings.

Who do you trust?
My friends. My family. My instincts.

The reason I'm writing this, is because I reached a revelation today. In thinking about what I want, I realized that what I don't want, are the bosses I have today. Bosses with power over me, who are unable to learn from their past mistakes. Who are unwilling to accept criticism. Who won't listen to alternatives.

I'm better than that. I deserve better than that. And I'm going to go out and get better than that.

I'm me. I want change. I serve myself. I trust myself. And I'll make things happen on my own. Not today, not tomorrow - but soon. My mind's made up, now.


dhae_knight_1: My kitten Zasha (Default)
Dhae Knight

June 2012



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